The Field

This is the field that lives next door to me.

Do You See What I See?

I see Allergy Relief in the next week or two! Hallelujah!

Parenting from Afar, a.k.a. Parenting from a Work Chair and Phone

I decided the boys needed to get up early. They start school in two short weeks. They need to acclimate to getting up earlier than 11am. They especially need to go to sleep at night before midnight. Despite my best intentions Summer always deteriorates into me being the first to bed. Bedtimes should start with the youngest going to bed first, not the oldest! I may rethink my strategy and let the boys sleep in after this week's adventures. If they're still alive.

Here's a sampling of my work calls one morning this week:

9:35am     Baby calls from home:  Mom! Middle Child (MC) is yelling at me to help clean up!

                Me:   I did tell you guys to clean the basement family room. It's pretty messy. It needs it.

9:37am    MC:   Mom! Baby is yelling at me to finish breakfast and help him clean up!

                Me:   Why are you eating so late? Hurry and finish and then go clean up. That's your chore today. 

                         (I love how their stories don't match)

9:41am    Baby:  MC yelled at me for not helping clean and I am! And he told me I can go to Heck.

                Me:    You two need to try and get along while the basement gets cleaned up, it's really messy. No more 

                           calling each other names. Let me talk to MC.

               Baby calls for his brother loud enough for everyone else in the office to hear without being on speaker 

                            phone.

               MC:      What Mom?

               Me:       Please get along with your little brother and clean the basement. Otherwise you may not get to go 

                            to the pool tomorrow.

               MC:       I don't care if I go to the pool. (you can hear the smirk in his voice)

               Me:        That's fine, I can take the computer away AGAIN.

               MC:       Fine (sulkily). We'll get it cleaned up! (huff huff)

9:45am   Another phone call along the same lines

9:48am   Another phone call. More threats.

9:52am    Another phone call. More accusations. Everyone sent to their room until I get home.

9:54am    Another phone call from MC's cell phone. I answer: 'WHAT!"

               Nothing on the other end.

               Me:        Hello!  Hello!  (pause) Anyone there?

               Just as I'm about to hang up I hear something. Soft. Wimpering. Finally, an incredibly soft voice: "Mom, 

                              Baby threw something at the back of my head."

               Me:         What was it?

               MC:        I don't know. It hurts.

               Me:         Are you bleeding?

               MC:        I don't think so. (pause while he checks) Nope. Just a tiny bit of blood.

               Me:         (In my best loving motherly voice) Maybe you'll quit fighting with Baby. Now go to your room now 

                               until I get home. 

9:56a.     I call the house phone to talk to Baby. Takes three calls for him to answer.

               Me:         You need to be in your room. You can't be throwing things at your brother.

               MC:        If he wouldn't make me lose my temper! I wouldn't do that!

               Me:         It's your temper and he can't make you lose it. Now get in your room and stay there until I get 

                              home.

9:58am    I call MC's cell phone to check on the patient.

               Me:         How are you feeling?

               MC:        I'm fine. (no crying or sniffling, totally recovered)

               Me:         All right. You need to stay away from Baby. Stay in your room until I get home. Wait! Wait! Wait! 

                              (he has a bad habit of hanging up before conversations are finished, especially when not going 

                              his way.) Walk the Dog. For a half hour. Wait! Walk him for at least a WHOLE HOUR!

               MC:        Ok.

10:02am   Baby:      MC is running away!

                Me:         No, I sent him to walk the dog so you two would quit fighting.

                Baby:      No, he said Good-bye when he left. And I know his Good-bye's. He's running away!

                Me:         (Laughing out loud! MC just has to rub it in that he can leave and Baby's stuck in his room) He's 

                               not running away! Now read your book in your room. He'll be back soon.

And that was the last I heard from them the rest of the morning. By the time I got home the chores were done to the boy's specifications so they only needed a little help finishing. And all feelings were back to normal. Now, do I let them sleep the rest of the summer away so they don't fight?

A Little Pep Talk

On the way home from work last week I was greeted by these signs stapled to telephone poles along the main road. Not the Rent to Own sign, the other one. I saw the first one and thought it was kind of amusing.

Then on the next block was another sign. I wonder if someone was just trying to help all the people coming home from work and school feel better. About something. Maybe themselves. Maybe homework. Maybe possible terrorist attacks.

Someone was trying to get their point across. I wonder if someone didn't want their Significant Other coming home grumpy?

And if being Happy wasn't a good enough message, there was also this message: "All You Need is Love." Now I'm thinking some Budget-Conscious-Hippie is using not-so-subliminal messages to get their ideas across to the general public, cheaply.

But then I saw this sign and thought "Maybe someone is Posting their Valentines in Public! That must be it!"

While the signs were rather unconventional I found myself in a Happier Mood that afternoon.

Awesome Things I Love About Living in a Smallish Town

1. Seeing someone you know every single time you go to the store, even when dressed in jammies or with messed up hair or on a no-shower day.
2. A next-door neighbor chasing a 2am would-be car thief (of another neighbor's car).
   
3. Kids playing on same soccer/football/baseball team as their neighbors.
4. Kids being able to walk or ride bikes to almost all their friends houses.
5. The old man that staffs the crosswalk on E Canyon Road who waves to everyone in town as they drive by.
6. Your neighbors bringing in your garbage can when you're out of town.
7. Your kids going to school with your schoolmates friends' kids. And for that matter, your kids having the same teachers as you.
   
8. The inability to take an evening walk without seeing and visiting with a minimum of three friends.
9. Knowing at least a few of the employees at every single store in town.
10. Mentioning I live next to J. Lee Butler's field and instantly everyone knows where I live.
11. Kids playing night games in the summer with their friends.
12. Leaving my windows open and not worrying (not that there is no crime in town, because that would simply be naive to believe that and I have even been the victim of crime in this house.)
13. Knowing lots of people in the annual City Parade and getting seats by yourself to watch the parade but still seeing nearby lots of friends.
14. A minimum of three wedding announcements on my fridge in any given month.
15. The "$1.75 Worms" sign on Canyon Road that's been there longer than I've been in town.
16. And mostly this awesome car that lives around the corner from me! I just might have to go knock on their door and beg for a ride.
    

Self Esteem Boost

I got my recent phone bill and I feel Wonderful! It was addressed to me, "Not-An-Idiot!" (If you remember I told you in the past how the phone company was calling me an idiot. It was so frustrating and demoralizing. You can read about it here.) I was so excited and this was such a boost to my self esteem that I'm thinking of changing it again. Sister-in-Law Farmer suggested I change it to something even more validating, "Most Beautiful and Fabulous Customer." I think I could have a little fun with this. Maybe every month I'll change it to something new. Then I'll probably forget I changed it and when I get the new bill in my inbox it will make my heart swell with happiness with the nice things the phone company has to call me. It could be a wonderful boost every month! I might run out of ideas so if you could give me a few suggestions that would be wonderful.

Fielding the New Territory

I've been having lots of different kinds of thoughts lately and I was beginning to think I was going a little crazy. I've only known one person close to me that has died and that was a long time ago. I really didn't know what was normal. And, yes I know, nothing is normal about grieving. But I was worried and confused about how I was feeling. Olaf, being the considerate husband he is, made an appointment with a counselor so we could talk about things. He told me "It went against every man bone in my body."

We had absolutely no idea what to expect. Olaf works with a bunch of therapists and considers most of it pointless and useless. But he wanted to make me happy. We both went together and were kind of a little worried about talking to a stranger about personal feelings, but I at least knew I needed to talk to someone about how I was feeling.

We were pleasantly surprised by this visit. It was very helpful. I was worried about different things than Olaf and he had no idea I was worried about the things I was concerned about. For one, I was worried that I wasn't sad enough or crying enough (I'm not much of a crier to begin with) or depressed enough. I would catch myself having fun and joking around and then I would question myself "How can you be happy at all? How can you laugh?" I was also concerned that I wasn't caught up with any guilt that I should have been a better Mother. But once again I don't believe in the "Mother Guilt Syndrome" that plagues our nation. I think it puts way too much pressure on people and I just don't need that in my life. But I was worried because it's glorified to lay in bed for weeks and bemoan the fact that we're not better people and always feel guilty for not doing something differently. Olaf had no idea I thought these things and I informed him they're Woman Worries, definitely not Man Thoughts.

The therapist told me that it was good I was not caught up in the "Mother Guilt Syndrome" because it's not healthy. He said it's healthy for me to be happy and laugh and joke around. He reassured me that I'm dealing with Calvin's untimely death in a very healthy manner. I will still have days when I wish the world would cave in on me, but not every day anymore. When we left I felt like I had a new lease on life, I WAS allowed to be happy again. I didn't know if I'd ever get to that point again but it's finally come and I don't want to be depressed all the time. That doesn't mean I won't be depressed some days but I get to be happy most of the time. That knowledge alone made me happy.