Missing Someone

Sometimes I just miss Calvin so much. I wonder what he would be doing now. Would he still be taunting Boomer the Basset Hound with the Antelope Head? Would he be driving Boomer the Basset Hound around town trying to pick up chicks? Would he be busy with school and getting great grades or would he still have a hard time turning things in on time? Would he be thinking about which college to go to and getting ready for a mission in just over two years? Would he have actually burnt something down? Would he be grounded from the car every other week?

This year I got the Halloween decorations out early. I decided I have to get the decorations out early if they're going to be put out. As it turns October it just gets too hard. I waited too long and didn't get them out last year. In 2008 when I put my Halloween decorations out life was wonderful and normal. When I put them away my life had changed horribly. I was still in shock. I just couldn't believe that my life had changed that much. Forever etched in my memory is the change that happened while the Halloween decorations were out. This year I put them out early, before October, so I can enjoy them awhile.

While the hurt is still there the rawness has dulled and the pain becomes something I live with everyday. I don't want to lose it because then I would feel as if I had forgotten. The pain is something I treasure and hold close because it tells me how much I love that crazy kid.

I just hope someone hid the matches in Heaven!

Some Reasons

There are a few reasons why I love my Baby. Even though he isn't a Baby anymore. On Sunday he got home from Church and decided his room needed to be cleaned. So he cleaned it all by himself. And then he made his bed. And then he climbed on it and demanded I take a picture of Him and his Lovies on his Made Bed.

And then when I hadn't taken enough pictures he decided to snap a few Self-Portraits of him and his Lovies.

And then last night, his Birthday, I walked into my room. Apparently he felt having a Birthday allowed him to sleep wherever he wanted.

And he was so sweet looking in bed with Froggy.

He melts my heart.

Christmas Decorating

Every year we decorate the house. We get the tree up and adorned. We sweep away all the regular decorations and replace them with Christmas themed things; mangers, angels, santa's, and smurfs. It is just fun to celebrate all the wonderful things about Christmas.

But this year we added a new thing. We decided to put something down by the side of the road where our car accident happened and Calvin died. We got a tree and decorated it. Then we got a plaque made to hang on the fence long term. Sunday we went down that way and took care of those things. We were lucky and got a warm day, all the snow was melted so we didn't have to traipse through feet of snow. Our fingers didn't freeze off as we arranged things. And the best part, no rattlesnakes crept up on us.

We thought it was a nice little tribute to help remember him. So if you're traveling south on I-15 and pass mile marker 204, look down. It's right next to the mile marker but down on the fence. We figured it was safe that far off the road. We miss him and hope he's enjoying Christmas with Jesus this year and getting to know Tank.

Life is...

Life is not fair. I know that. I tell my kids that all the time. But sometimes you just wished it wasn't so unfair. The other night Tank got out and was on a walk by himself. When we discovered he was gone Olaf and Middle Child went looking for him. I got a call from MC asking me to look all through the house. A minute later I got another call from MC. He was sobbing and inconsolable. Olaf had seen Tank on the side of the road. He wouldn't let MC get out of the car. It was right by the house, my sister's house where we had gone for Thanksgiving. I hurriedly got dressed and asked my sister to drive me to where they were. But by the time I got boots on they were back. Olaf asked for a tarp to wrap him up in. He told us that Tank had been hit by a car and was gone. He didn't want to leave him all alone out there so he wrapped him up and brought him back to my sister's house. The next morning we decided to leave a day early because a snowstorm was forecasted. We got in the car and came home. After getting the kids home and in the house Olaf prepared a box and blanket to lay Tank in for his final resting place. Then he went out in the freezing howling wind and dug a grave for our sweet dog. Baby ran and told his best friend who came over. He wanted to write a note and so did Baby. So they wrote a note to Tank and put it in his box. Then when everything was ready we all went outside and watched as Olaf lowered him into the ground. We told him goodbye again. Then the boys helped shovel the first dirt onto his box. They filled the hole.There wasn't a dry eye in our circle.

Tank was a great dog. He had come to love us  and we had grown very attached to him. We will miss him waiting by the door for us when we get home. We will miss the jingle of his collar as he walks around the house. The boys will miss him sleeping at the foot of their bed. I'll miss him sitting by our feet when we're sitting around. I'll miss him trying to get in on every family hug; it seemed he could smell a hug from the other end of the house. We'll miss him taking us on walks. We'll miss his deep barks. I'll miss taking him for his monthly bath appointment. He loved getting all prettied up. We'll miss him pretending to be asleep so he didn't have to go outside. We will miss him tremendously!

A Picture Story II

Here are a few pictures of Calvin and Boomer to share with you all.

This picture is of Boomer the day we got him. We thought he needed a bath. He wasn't too thrilled.

Here's Boomer looking for treats.

Baby wrapped Boomer up in his blanket.

Poor Boomer, dressed just like a person!

Calvin loved to let Boomer sleep with him.

Calvin built this replica of an Egyptian boat pretty much by himself.

Calvin and Olaf built this snow fort one winter.

Sister in Law Nurse snapped this photo of Calvin in a tree over the local river.

Here we are at Mesa Verde with the DenverAllens.

Even though this doesn't show Calvin's best side I love this picture. The boys were fighting and wouldn't stand any closer for this picture. The last time we were at Yellowstone we got a picture of the two in front of this rock and I wanted another one to show them growing up.

Here is Calvin with his friends and the deer he shot in Fall 2008.

His friends didn't forget him and found ways to keep his memory alive.

And they kept remembering him.

Calvin - We love you and will always remember you!

How I Came to Believe Scouts was Great

Olaf has been in Scouts since the day I met him. He's been on endless camp-outs. Summer and Winter. He's worked with all ages of boys. He loves it. I endure it. I'm glad he loves it. And most times I don't mind it.

As our boys got old enough they also joined Scouts. They worked on rank advancements. They went to Pack nights and Court of Honors and many camp-outs. They loved it for the most part.

I knew it was a good program. I knew the boys were learning things that were helping them to grow into good adults and responsible citizens. But I never thought it was a program my boys could live without. I really felt like we were teaching them most of these things anyway. And maybe we were.

And then Calvin went to Timberline Training Camp the summer of 2008. He grew up a lot that summer. I just assumed he was growing up. Olaf felt that Timberline had been a big help in that growing up.

Then Calvin died that October. When we came into the cemetery after the funeral, the cemetery road was lined with Scouts holding American Flags. It was unexpected. It was wonderful. It was a tribute from the Scouts he'd been with at Timberline. They were honoring a brother of theirs.

Over time Olaf ran into and talked to several of the parents of those boys. They told Olaf how this event was so important to their boys.

After that small but important event I realized that Scouts isn't helping the boys to become better adults and responsible citizens, it's also helping them today. Right now. Helping them mature as responsible teenagers. I realized that if these boys who hadn't had much contact outside of Timberline camp could care about each other this much, then this was something Great, not just Good.

And that was how Scouting went from Good to Great in my Book.

Froggy Love

Baby still loves Froggy and his Friends. He still sleeps with Froggy every night. I adore it.

I slept with my Teddy Bear forever, I don't even remember when I stopped. I took him to college and sat him on a shelf. I had matured enough at that point to quit sleeping with him. But as you can see he's a little worse for wear. My roommate made fun of him. I was mad. I think I recommended she read the book The Velveteen Rabbit at that point.

And then I just told her that my Teddy Bear was well loved, not tattered.

Parenting from Afar, a.k.a. Parenting from a Work Chair and Phone

I decided the boys needed to get up early. They start school in two short weeks. They need to acclimate to getting up earlier than 11am. They especially need to go to sleep at night before midnight. Despite my best intentions Summer always deteriorates into me being the first to bed. Bedtimes should start with the youngest going to bed first, not the oldest! I may rethink my strategy and let the boys sleep in after this week's adventures. If they're still alive.

Here's a sampling of my work calls one morning this week:

9:35am     Baby calls from home:  Mom! Middle Child (MC) is yelling at me to help clean up!

                Me:   I did tell you guys to clean the basement family room. It's pretty messy. It needs it.

9:37am    MC:   Mom! Baby is yelling at me to finish breakfast and help him clean up!

                Me:   Why are you eating so late? Hurry and finish and then go clean up. That's your chore today. 

                         (I love how their stories don't match)

9:41am    Baby:  MC yelled at me for not helping clean and I am! And he told me I can go to Heck.

                Me:    You two need to try and get along while the basement gets cleaned up, it's really messy. No more 

                           calling each other names. Let me talk to MC.

               Baby calls for his brother loud enough for everyone else in the office to hear without being on speaker 

                            phone.

               MC:      What Mom?

               Me:       Please get along with your little brother and clean the basement. Otherwise you may not get to go 

                            to the pool tomorrow.

               MC:       I don't care if I go to the pool. (you can hear the smirk in his voice)

               Me:        That's fine, I can take the computer away AGAIN.

               MC:       Fine (sulkily). We'll get it cleaned up! (huff huff)

9:45am   Another phone call along the same lines

9:48am   Another phone call. More threats.

9:52am    Another phone call. More accusations. Everyone sent to their room until I get home.

9:54am    Another phone call from MC's cell phone. I answer: 'WHAT!"

               Nothing on the other end.

               Me:        Hello!  Hello!  (pause) Anyone there?

               Just as I'm about to hang up I hear something. Soft. Wimpering. Finally, an incredibly soft voice: "Mom, 

                              Baby threw something at the back of my head."

               Me:         What was it?

               MC:        I don't know. It hurts.

               Me:         Are you bleeding?

               MC:        I don't think so. (pause while he checks) Nope. Just a tiny bit of blood.

               Me:         (In my best loving motherly voice) Maybe you'll quit fighting with Baby. Now go to your room now 

                               until I get home. 

9:56a.     I call the house phone to talk to Baby. Takes three calls for him to answer.

               Me:         You need to be in your room. You can't be throwing things at your brother.

               MC:        If he wouldn't make me lose my temper! I wouldn't do that!

               Me:         It's your temper and he can't make you lose it. Now get in your room and stay there until I get 

                              home.

9:58am    I call MC's cell phone to check on the patient.

               Me:         How are you feeling?

               MC:        I'm fine. (no crying or sniffling, totally recovered)

               Me:         All right. You need to stay away from Baby. Stay in your room until I get home. Wait! Wait! Wait! 

                              (he has a bad habit of hanging up before conversations are finished, especially when not going 

                              his way.) Walk the Dog. For a half hour. Wait! Walk him for at least a WHOLE HOUR!

               MC:        Ok.

10:02am   Baby:      MC is running away!

                Me:         No, I sent him to walk the dog so you two would quit fighting.

                Baby:      No, he said Good-bye when he left. And I know his Good-bye's. He's running away!

                Me:         (Laughing out loud! MC just has to rub it in that he can leave and Baby's stuck in his room) He's 

                               not running away! Now read your book in your room. He'll be back soon.

And that was the last I heard from them the rest of the morning. By the time I got home the chores were done to the boy's specifications so they only needed a little help finishing. And all feelings were back to normal. Now, do I let them sleep the rest of the summer away so they don't fight?

Marriage Secret

Every now and then someone will ask me how Olaf and I have such a happy marriage. Come on, it's been over 17 years, aren't you sick of each other yet?

And you know, some days I am sick of it all. But I love the guy. He is wonderful. But he has faults. But so do I. And I have to remind my friends-in-not-such-happy-marriages that it's not all peaches and cream. Sometimes it's curdled milk. And sometimes it's hot lava, but that's mainly from me, not him.

But I decided the other day one of the reasons we make it work is the attitude we have. We both knew marriage wasn't going to be easy. We both knew it would be a lot of work. We both knew it would require 100% from each of us.

But the most important thing I think is; We both are just Thankful that Someone would actually Like us enough to Marry us and Put Up with us on our worst days and all the other days in between. The first few years of our marriage I just kept expecting him to call it quits since I was such a pain, but he never did. I know I'm not real easy to live with and every day I thank my lucky stars that Olaf is willing to put up with me.

I think everyone has their own secret ingredient in their marriage. Sometimes it just takes time to find out what it is. Hopefully you can figure out what makes your marriage special and remember that when the going gets tough.

A Little Pep Talk

On the way home from work last week I was greeted by these signs stapled to telephone poles along the main road. Not the Rent to Own sign, the other one. I saw the first one and thought it was kind of amusing.

Then on the next block was another sign. I wonder if someone was just trying to help all the people coming home from work and school feel better. About something. Maybe themselves. Maybe homework. Maybe possible terrorist attacks.

Someone was trying to get their point across. I wonder if someone didn't want their Significant Other coming home grumpy?

And if being Happy wasn't a good enough message, there was also this message: "All You Need is Love." Now I'm thinking some Budget-Conscious-Hippie is using not-so-subliminal messages to get their ideas across to the general public, cheaply.

But then I saw this sign and thought "Maybe someone is Posting their Valentines in Public! That must be it!"

While the signs were rather unconventional I found myself in a Happier Mood that afternoon.

V-Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

13 Birthday Parties

Today is Calvin's birthday. He would have turned 15 today. I thought in his remembrance I'd show you some pics from his previous birthdays. Sometimes the photographer didn't take very good pictures, or hardly an at all. (That photographer oughtta be fired!) But there are some good ones in here. Lots of him laughing, showing his love for fun, family, and most of all, life.


Calvin's 1st Birthday

We got a cake and he wasn't sure what to do with it. He finally dug in.

Grandma & Grandpa came down for Calvin's 2nd Birthday

He had some friends over for cake

Calvin had an exciting 3rd Birthday

He was pretty excited he had blown all the candles out

Time to eat yummy cake

Calvin turns 4

He just loves getting presents

He wore this cape constantly, as did his little brother

The 5th Birthday

Blowing hard to get those candles out and get that wish!

Playing games with his friends

Calvin made it to 6

One of the first Pinatas

The kids were all lined up to run for the candy

the 7th Birthday party

The favorite - a Pinata

And since there's so few pics from that party, here he is a few days later with Santa

Calvin turns 8!

Some present he was really excited to get

Another party at Nickelcade

Calvin's 9th Birthday

Somewhere between 8 and 9 he really grew up, no more little boy.

The family party at Los Hermanos

And an awesome picture with lots of cousins and his great-grandparents

And he turns 10!

Friends just as eager to see what he got

Calvin and the party crew

His 11th Birthday

Cake and friends

Calvin and all his Friends with their balls

Hopefully getting a strike

At the Family Party he got a lot of camping stuff since he officially started
camping on a regular basis as a Scout and not as a Tag-a-Long

His 12th Birthday

Shooting the gun from Grandma & Dave

Playing his guitar

The 13th Birthday

Cards

Shirts

More presents

And a wild-eyed Brother

Thanks for sharing the pictures and day with Calvin.
Remember him tonight at dinner and tell your kids another story about him.