9.14.2011

Missing Someone


Sometimes I just miss Calvin so much. I wonder what he would be doing now. Would he still be taunting Boomer the Basset Hound with the Antelope Head? Would he be driving Boomer the Basset Hound around town trying to pick up chicks? Would he be busy with school and getting great grades or would he still have a hard time turning things in on time? Would he be thinking about which college to go to and getting ready for a mission in just over two years? Would he have actually burnt something down? Would he be grounded from the car every other week?

This year I got the Halloween decorations out early. I decided I have to get the decorations out early if they're going to be put out. As it turns October it just gets too hard. I waited too long and didn't get them out last year. In 2008 when I put my Halloween decorations out life was wonderful and normal. When I put them away my life had changed horribly. I was still in shock. I just couldn't believe that my life had changed that much. Forever etched in my memory is the change that happened while the Halloween decorations were out. This year I put them out early, before October, so I can enjoy them awhile.

While the hurt is still there the rawness has dulled and the pain becomes something I live with everyday. I don't want to lose it because then I would feel as if I had forgotten. The pain is something I treasure and hold close because it tells me how much I love that crazy kid.

I just hope someone hid the matches in Heaven!

10 comments:

denverallens said...

What a sweet post about such a good boy. I love that picture! I can totally believe the pain is still there. How could it not. I do suspect he'd be grounded from the car frequently, maybe burned a field or two, but he'd still be a good boy. He always was and is probably making us proud where he is. I just wish we could get a glimpse into his world. It would make all the difference. Love you and your family so much.

Lonita said...

That's a great picture. Calvin always seemed to have a big smile on his face, and such a sweet way about him. I bet if there are Halloween celebrations in heaven, Calvin's totally scoring with a ton of awesome candy (maybe even enough to satisfy his insatiable appetite). Love you guys!

sally said...

We miss him too. It is still hard visiting and not seeing him there. By the way I think he was camping with us the other weekend. Jay & I had mistakenly left the matches out on the table with a candle burning closeby. Knowing the kids are young we didn't worry. I turned around and Charlotte had a match on fire and it was almost burnt down to her fingers! It reminded me of Calvin and I laughed thinking maybe he was close by getting the urge to burn something and getting that urge satisfied. Needless to say we miss him and we love your family so much. I'm glad you got the decorations out early this year, you deserve to enjoy them.

Urban Parks said...

This is a difficult time of the year, for all of us, but your memories of Calvin - our memories of Calvin - are so sweet. He does and always will have a special place in our hearts. We too think about him often and there is a knot in the far corner of my stomach as I think about him. From my office desk I look up at my bookshelf, across the room, and there is Calvin, all smiling, looking back at me. It gives me pause in a busy day to remember to give thanks for Calvin and the gospel in our lives and to put my concerns into perspective.

PS - Given the lightening we've had around here the last couple of days I'm thinking Calvin may have found something more fun then matches.

Midwestern Gone Idahoan said...

We all miss him so much!! My heart goes out to you!!

Potter Family said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It is good to read and I'm sure even better to share. I have a friend who lost a child 4 years ago (in October) and I don't know what to say because it is still raw and she doesn't want that part to go away. thank you for sharing--I'm glad you got the decorations out early--as something to enjoy and not something to dread. I bet you have the BEST decorations for Halloween! Thank you again for allowing us to see into your world for a brief moment.

Anonymous said...

Donna your words brought comfort to many of us. Even though we didn't get to know Calvin like I would have liked he was a great kid. I feel your pain and I like you the hurt never goes away but fades in time. They were still a part of our lives if only for alittle time. Their memories live on. Love, Aunt Marge

Kristine said...

I am glad that you have the courage to share your pain. And I think by talking about Calvin, you are able to cherish his memories without always feeling the pain of his death. My brother died a tragic death four years ago. I think about him often and have felt him close by on several ocassions. I know that your son and my brother live on and that we will be able to greet themgain someday. May you have peace, Love, Kris

Krissie said...

I've been missing him a lot this week. I keep thinking about him. I'm glad you got out your halloween decorations early so you can enjoy them for a bit.

The Laytons said...

Dearest Donna,
I don't know you, and sadly I didn't know sweet Calvin. But I do know your sister, and his cousins here in Colorado. And I know they LOVE you all and talk of you often. As another mom who lost her precious baby, though very differently, please know that I love you and am grateful for your post.