Spring is Definitely Here

Yesterday

Today. You can't see the flowers anymore.

The trees are heavy with the wet spring snow.

We even lost branches. At least we didn't lose power like some people apparently did.

I love a Spring Snow. It's beautiful and never lasts for more than a day.

The Black Thumb

I love pretty yards. I love flowers. I love greenery. I love a lush lawn. I love trees and shade. And I have none. You see, I have a Black Thumb. God may have given me the ability to Cook and Bake, but He left me out on Gardening Day. He didn't see fit to endow me with enough talent to grow anything. And the once in a while when things start growing well, something else happens.

Like a nasty, gusty, wind-whipping, windstorm.

Good night. I'm gonna go cry now.

Weather Translations

I have been in the West for over 17 years now but I still don't get the weather. Growing up in the Midwest, if it was cloudy it was most likely going to rain. Here in the West it's still probably not going to rain if there are clouds about.

The other day I had noticed we had a 20% chance of rain. So I took my umbrella to work, sure that it would be raining when I left. No such luck. Beautifully clear and blue with a few wispy white clouds.

Then it hit me. The weather forecaster reports the weather differently in the Midwest than in the West.

Here's the translation for 20% chance of rain.

In the West: There's a 20% chance that rain will hit 20% of the Wasatch front. The rest of the valley will be in sunshine.

In the Midwest: To begin with it's never 20%, it's usually 40% or more. And that just means that it's going to rain for at least 40% of the day.

And those translation differences are causing me havoc in this wet spring. I'm still working on the Midwest weather reporting when I should be using the Western style. Whenever I see rain in the forecast I expect it to rain. And occasionally it does. I'm expecting to finally make the change in my mind probably around 2030. Until then just take my insistence of rain like the village listened to the Boy calling Wolf.

Pros & Cons of the West

Pros of Living in the Mountain West
(and stuff that doesn't happen in the Midwest)

1. Sun 95% of the time
   
2. Nearby Mountains for days long adventure
3. Cool summer nights and starry skies
4. Sun 95% of the time
   
5. Low Humidity allowing a hairstyle to last more than 1 hour
6. Few pesky bugs
7. Sun 95% of the time
8. Roads snow and ice free within a few days of snowstorms
9. The ability to dry off completely from a shower
   
10. Sun 95% of the time in the Winter when the shortened days bring about SADD.

Pros of living in the Midwest

1. Spectacular Fall Colors which you can't find unless you drive a while to the Canyons to get a glimmer of the profuse Colors available to Fall Trees in the Midwest
   
2. Large, thick, lush trees, dwarfing houses and buildings; the opposite of the small, short trees that struggle to live in the desert, providing much less shade than I'm still accustomed to
3. Rolling hills covered in trees and fields of some crop or other
   
4. Humidity keeping the skin hydrated eliminating the need for daily lotion rubs
   
5. Regular stunning, magnificent, and impressive Thunder and Lightning storms
6. Lawns and gardens that don't need watering when a thunderstorm has happened by in the last week or two even if you don't plant native, xerix plants

7. Thick, productive corn fields surrounded by trees and thick grass, not scraggly juniper trees and sagebrush
   

Despite all the wonderful things I miss about the Midwest I love the Sun that shines almost all the time here in the West. It pretty much makes up for everything else that I miss. I miss the rows and rows of corn to be seen outside any city. I miss the huge trees of wide variety everywhere that show profuse shades of all Fall Colors every year. I miss the incredible thunder and lightning and horrendous showers that make cars stop on the road from their ferocity. I've forgotten what it's like to not need lotion every single day slathered over my whole body. But despite this and everything else I miss, (the cute old towns, old churches, down-to-earth people everywhere) I LOVE the sun that shines the vast majority of the time, bringing me a ray of hope during the short winter days, which is soon to be upon us.

The Summer Solstice

The Summer Solstice happened last week. Somehow I missed the celebrations. Oh wait, I live in a Christian not Pagan part of the world. I don't live 2,000 years ago when the Druids were alive and strong and led everyone in Summer Solstice festivities.

All I can think about is how the days are getting shorter. I'm already dreading going to work in the dark, much less getting up in the dark. It's so hard to get out of bed when it's dark outside. (All you early morning workers can hunt me down now, I know you're sneering at me and my pansiness.) I just hate mornings when I have to get up to an alarm. And if it's before 8am I have to set an alarm.

Today I had a great thought. Maybe some scientist can tell me if somehow our advanced scientists can make it happen. What if the Earth wasn't tilted on its axis and didn't wobble back and forth every year! Just think, the sun would go up and down at the same time every day! I wouldn't have to worry about how late the sun would make its appearance in the winter. And the fireworks on the 4th of July could probably be a little bit earlier.

And an even better consequence would be the unchanging of the seasons. The weather would be the same year round. All you would have to do is pick the kind of weather you enjoyed the most and move to the part of the world that boasted that climate. No more miserable cold winters unless you chose to live in Alaska or Norway. And think of how many crops could be grown with more steady temperatures. You could grow food at its own perfect latitude.

I know that the scientists are shaking their heads. I'm sure this Utopia I have contemplated isn't possible to create. And I'm sure they're astounded at the amount of force that would be needed to stop the wobble of the earth's tilt. And I'm sure they've thought of a million good reasons not to do it. People always want to be the first to spread doom and gloom on new, revolutionary ideas. Mark my words, someone may try to do it one day but just remember you heard it here first.

June Woes

Today is June 5th. The temperature outside is 52 F. No, I am not Mrs. Claus at the North Pole. I live in Utah and in the valley, not up high in the mountains. I want to know what happened to the promise of global warming? After a cold rainy fall, a miserably cold and extra snowy winter, and now a cold rainy spring, I want to know what all the doomsayers have to say about this global warming effect. It has been cold and miserable for 75% of the past eight months and I have to say they are wrong. I was on the cusp of believing in global warming but after the last eight months I have swayed the other direction. I am beginning to believe in global cooling. I know, I am in the minority, but I rarely believe in what the media hypes. It's one of my quirks and my friends have come to adore/detest it, I'm not sure which. Currently, the global warming fanatics are at the top of my angry list. I was looking forward to some global warming after this winter and they haven't come through.