A Picture for Every Year

Missing Someone

Sometimes I just miss Calvin so much. I wonder what he would be doing now. Would he still be taunting Boomer the Basset Hound with the Antelope Head? Would he be driving Boomer the Basset Hound around town trying to pick up chicks? Would he be busy with school and getting great grades or would he still have a hard time turning things in on time? Would he be thinking about which college to go to and getting ready for a mission in just over two years? Would he have actually burnt something down? Would he be grounded from the car every other week?

This year I got the Halloween decorations out early. I decided I have to get the decorations out early if they're going to be put out. As it turns October it just gets too hard. I waited too long and didn't get them out last year. In 2008 when I put my Halloween decorations out life was wonderful and normal. When I put them away my life had changed horribly. I was still in shock. I just couldn't believe that my life had changed that much. Forever etched in my memory is the change that happened while the Halloween decorations were out. This year I put them out early, before October, so I can enjoy them awhile.

While the hurt is still there the rawness has dulled and the pain becomes something I live with everyday. I don't want to lose it because then I would feel as if I had forgotten. The pain is something I treasure and hold close because it tells me how much I love that crazy kid.

I just hope someone hid the matches in Heaven!

Where I Sew

There's this blog I follow. Every week they spotlight someone's Sewing Space. They are all pretty fancy stuff. Some of them look like a designer came in and decorated. I thought I would join the trend and show you where I sew.

I get to sew under this gorgeous tree. When we first bought this house a long long time ago Olaf's aunt and cousin came and painted this tree just for Calvin. He asked for a Hole in the Trunk and a Squirrel on a Branch. And over time we added Glow-in-the-Dark stars and moons on the ceiling. I made these simple curtains for him, they are muslin edged in leaf-decorated fabric. Calvin moved out of this room four or five years later but we kept this awesome tree. And when I look at it, it reminds me of my sweet little boy Calvin, not the older Calvin.

And then Olaf shot an antelope and hung it on this wall, long before I started sewing for real and needed a Space to sew in. When he hung it up Boomer the Basset Hound didn't like it. He would wander down the hall and peek in the room. He'd look up and see the antelope head and start barking. It was the funniest thing ever! He made us all laugh so hard with his barking at the dead antelope head, as if he was afraid it was going to take his place.

When I started writing this I meant to make fun of the fancy rooms that all these other sewers have and show them that sewing could be done in any kind of room, no need for fancy wall decorations that need dusting, pretty table covers, and other totally impractical things that would only get in the way of sewing. And instead I found out why my sewing room is so special to me.

Bragging Rights

As a Mom I get Bragging Rights every now and then. It's a Mom's Privilege. Middle Child has completed the Project part of his Eagle Project. I wrote a week ago about how he was putting together a campaign to heighten people's awareness of Organ Donation and hopefully sign some more people to become Organ Donors.

He has worked so hard on this I was absolutely amazed! I wasn't sure he was anyone's teenage son. He called numerous places to ask permission to set up booths on June 4th. He even had to call a few Corporate Offices to get the Go Ahead. After that he had to call people to staff the booths. He easily spent 10-15 hours on the phone calling people. That plus he hunted down neighbors who he couldn't reach by phone. He was like a Tiger!

We also had to put together some sort of Display. We ended up making these to put at each booth.

That Saturday morning Middle Child and Olaf left the house soon after 6:30am to get the Gold's Gym booth set up since it started at 7am. Thank goodness the other booths didn't open until 10am.

Here's what one of the booths looked like.

We incorporated some of the Zero Fatalities things into the booth in an effort to get a few more people to buckle up also.

Here's one of the Gold's Gym groups.

Here's the Gold's Gym in Provo. These two are coworkers of Olaf's who were more than happy to take the whole 4-hour shift!

Here are a few of his friends at Fresh Markets.

Here's more of Olaf's coworker's at CAL Ranch.

Here's the Family helping at Macey's, not the Department Store but the Grocery store.

They sure are cute!

Here's Middle Child working the booth at CAL Ranch later in the day.

Here are some of Middle Child's friends who also worked a 4-hour shift at Macey's. He's got awesome friends willing to help out all Saturday afternoon!

Here's one of Calvin's friends with his Mom.

And Middle Child is working the Fresh Market booth with Calvin's favorite Scout Leader.

Here's another of Calvin's friend helping out that afternoon after a long day at work.

I was amazed at how gung-ho Middle Child has been about his project. We had to help him write things out but he had absolutely no problem calling people and stores. And once he got there he was aggressive in talking to people and signing them up to be Organ Donors. There aren't enough words in my vocabulary to tell you how proud I am of my son. He's just incredible.

I Want You!

One of the first things we decided after Calvin died was that we would not live in grief but that we would celebrate his life. We decided that we would not let grief ruin our lives. As part of celebrating his life when we came upon new events we would use "What Would Calvin Do?" as our guide. When minutes after they told us Calvin had not survived and asked us to consider organ donation we both thought it was a good idea and both said "Calvin would want to continue to help others."

A couple years later Middle Child has started working on his Eagle Project. He decided long ago he wanted to do something about organ donation. He has finally put together his project. He wants to educate people about organ donation and hopefully sign people up to be organ donors.

This Saturday, June 4, he is setting up booths around town. He needs your help to staff those booths throughout the day. If you can help email him at eagle.proj@gmail.com. He would really appreciate any help you can offer. And don't forget, "What Would Calvin Do?" 

The Ten Commandments

Part of being LDS is Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy, it is one of the Ten Commandments. From the time you're little it's ingrained in your head that you don't shop on Sunday. It's taught to the little kids at church and as adults we're reminded in classes on a regular basis. We try not to shop on Sunday but there are times when we've felt like we really needed something and gone to the store anyway.

One such day back when Calvin was probably five or six we pulled into the Kmart parking lot right after church. As we started to pull into a parking spot Calvin hollered from the back seat, "No shopping on Sunday!!!"

Olaf kept on rolling, never stopped, and we went right home. Apparently whatever we needed wasn't so important that we had to have it right away.

Thinking we had great boys who listened at church we praised them. Until the following Tuesday when I went back to Kmart with the boys in the back seat. As Calvin and Middle Child both hollered, "No shopping on Tuesday!!" I began to suspect their Sunday Shopping comment had been more of an effort to not shop, their most despised activity, rather than to obey the Ten Commandments.

The First Date

Wednesday evening I was in the kitchen, baking, talking on the phone, tending my nieces and nephews, and being busy. The doorbell rang for the umpteenth time. Baby ran to answer it. (His cousins asked why he gets to answer the door all the time? Cuz he's fastest I told them.) He ran in the kitchen, "Someone's at the door for you Mom."

I got off the phone and went to the door expecting another neighbor. It wasn't. It was a young, pretty, girl. She was holding a few things.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi. I'm one of Calvin's good friends. We always talked about going on our first date together, just going to the movies and having fun." She was tearing up and I had started to tear up too. I gave her a quick hug. "I wanted to bring you this stuff since I can't go on a date with him. I think about him a lot and he was a great kid." She handed me a movie, popcorn, and a 2-liter of Coke.

I was crying by this time. I gave her another big hug and thanked her profusely. I was amazed. Every day I am reminded that Calvin had some incredible, wonderful friends.

Happy Birthday

Dear Calvin,

Happy Birthday! I'd send you a card but the Post Office doesn't deliver to Heaven, so I'll be wishing you a Happy Birthday in my prayers tonight.

Your birthdays are always fun. You and your friends always laughed and goofed around and had a good time. I remember the Bowling party where thankfully no one was hit with a ball. That was back when we still had an old-fashioned bowling alley in town. I miss the bowling alley, but not as much as you.

I miss that you aren't driving our car around. You should have gotten your learner's permit this last year and driven me to the store and back again. You could have even helped drive us to Disneyland.

I hope up in Heaven they are throwing you a great party. With a big cake. A humongous piñata full of candy that you crack wide open on the first try. Maybe you'll even get to play miniature golf or go bowling. And eat some pizza when you're done. I know you've made lots of friends and I hope you are all having a wonderful birthday.

We're celebrating here too. It's a tradition and just because you're not here doesn't mean we can't celebrate too. Then we'll be off to get some presents for those less fortunate. We can't give you any presents and you liked it when we did that for others, so it's our tradition to do that on your birthday. We do it to help remember your kind and giving spirit.

Happy 16th Birthday Son! I Love you and Miss you!

Mom

A Big Smelly Birthday

I know I posted this last year but this is one of my favorite birthday stories.

It was Calvin's 11th Birthday and as usual we were going to Nickelcade, every boy's favorite arcade. We had enough kids coming that I borrowed my friend's minivan so we could get them all there in one trip. We got there and gave all the boys a couple dollars in nickels. They proceeded to play away, trying to win the most tickets while Olaf played games from his childhood. We eventually rounded them all up and had some cake and ice cream. All in all it was a great party.

After they had all cashed in their tickets from items worth one-tenth the cost of getting the tickets I loaded them in the van and headed home. It was December. It was dark. It was cold. I had seven boys in a minivan with just me. I put on some good music and the boys giggled and laughed and had fun.

And then someone farted. That brought out a roar of laughter from everyone but me. And then the smell reached my nose, which isn't so delicate after all these years of living with boys. It was offensive. It was strong. It almost made me retch. Even though it was a cold winter night and I was driving 65mph down the highway I rolled all the windows down. I cranked the heater up as high as it would go.

Finally the smell was blown out of the van. I rolled all the windows up again. It was finally much quieter and I could almost hear myself think over all those boys. And just as soon as it got quiet I heard someone else fart! And another round of laughter. And another round of driving down the highway on a cold winter night with the windows down.

As you can only imagine this scene repeated itself and I just drove all the way home with the windows down. I had given up. I just trained all the heater vents on my little body and let the boys freeze while they laughed at their silliness.

I finally got back into town and took all the boys home. I then drove the minivan to my friend's house and parked it in her garage after rolling all the windows down. I went inside and thanked her profusely for the use of her van. Then I explained to her why her windows were down and that she ought to let it air out overnight while she laughed so hard she almost fell out of her chair.

Christmas Decorating

Every year we decorate the house. We get the tree up and adorned. We sweep away all the regular decorations and replace them with Christmas themed things; mangers, angels, santa's, and smurfs. It is just fun to celebrate all the wonderful things about Christmas.

But this year we added a new thing. We decided to put something down by the side of the road where our car accident happened and Calvin died. We got a tree and decorated it. Then we got a plaque made to hang on the fence long term. Sunday we went down that way and took care of those things. We were lucky and got a warm day, all the snow was melted so we didn't have to traipse through feet of snow. Our fingers didn't freeze off as we arranged things. And the best part, no rattlesnakes crept up on us.

We thought it was a nice little tribute to help remember him. So if you're traveling south on I-15 and pass mile marker 204, look down. It's right next to the mile marker but down on the fence. We figured it was safe that far off the road. We miss him and hope he's enjoying Christmas with Jesus this year and getting to know Tank.

What's a Boy's Best Friend?

For young boys anything that shoots projectiles is something they love. Diamonds may be a girl's best friend, but not so for a boy. They require things that shoot things. Several years ago all the boys got bows and arrows for Christmas. They were so excited! Olaf set up some targets outside for them to shoot. They didn't quite make the bullseye every time but they sure had fun trying. Olaf was excited that Middle Child seemed to like archery. At this point in time he was anti-gun. Olaf wasn't sure whose child he was raising.

Fast forward two or three months. I'm upstairs doing something important, because I'm always doing something important, even if it's an important nap. But I was awake this time, down in my room. I hear Baby crying. At this point Baby is probably three or four, still a sweet chunky thing that I could squish. I can tell from the cry that something's wrong so I hurry to find him. I get down the hall the same time he gets to the top of the stairs.

There's Blood! Pooling in his eye! Rolling down his face! Down his shirt and all over his hands! I have dealt with six or seven previous instances of head wounds needing stitches and been able to keep my calm without a problem. But this time I lost it. All that blood in his eye socket area! I couldn't tell where he was bleeding from so I assumed it was his eye. I kept expecting his eyeball to pop out at any moment! I told him to sit down.

Thank goodness Olaf was home. He was outside. I ran to the door and screamed for him to get in here right this minute! I was really losing it. Olaf could tell I was in distress and not just angry so he hurried in to see what was wrong.

He instantly saw Baby's bloody face and went into calm and controlled mode. He's so good at that. I only am up to a point and this was past that point. Just like the time Middle Child broke his arm, but I'll tell that story another day.

Olaf picked Baby up and brought him over to the kitchen sink. He got a towel wet and started wiping his face. I think he was smart enough to know his eyeball wasn't going to fall out of it's socket. After he got him cleaned up he finally found the wound. He had a nice cut in his eyebrow.

"How did you get that?" he asked.

Baby was still crying too hard to get an answer out of so we asked Calvin, cuz he was there too. Calvin got a sheepish look on his face.

"I had him hold up this blanket" and he demonstrated a very thin blanket barely held together, "so I could shoot my arrow at it. I didn't know it would go through the blanket! I'm really sorry!" And we could tell he was truly sorry he hurt his little brother. Of course he got a little lecture about not shooting arrows in the house, that's what the targets outside are for. And he swore he'd never do it ever again.

Heading to the doctor

So we loaded Baby into the car and took him in to get a couple stitches. This might have been a gluing instead of stitches. I love the glue because it just falls out, no need to remove stitches a week later. Baby still has a little scar in his eyebrow where no eyebrows grow. I love it. Whenever I look at that scar it reminds me a little of Calvin and his mischievousness. 

Holding onto Dad for comfort.

What's for Dinner?

Dear Calvin,

I wish you could come home for dinner. I miss having you around at dinnertime. I miss your smile and funny stories and jokes. But mostly I miss that you almost always ate my food. Except for tacos. Somewhere along the way you quit liking tacos and it surprised me. But everything else you almost always liked.

I miss your voracious appetite that apparently me and the whole neighborhood couldn't satisfy. Your brothers don't share the love of food that you have. It doesn't matter what I make at least one of them doesn't like it.I'd love to have someone under the age of 30 sitting at my table and honestly tell me my food is good and it's not going to make them puke.

Baby's strategy is just to cry and tell me that this particular dish will make him puke if he has to eat any of it. Every night it's the same story. Middle Child smiles and tells me it's great but then he picks and picks and picks at it. A half hour later hardly any of his food is gone and I know he's just trying to pacify me.

Tonight, Baby cried and went to his room because he wouldn't eat Chicken n Dumpling Soup. Once when Dad was bringing you home from a baseball game you had asked to stop at Glade's. Dad told you we were having Chicken n Dumpling soup and you changed your mind. You wanted to come home and eat my food!

Ever since you've gone no one really wants to eat at home even though I'm making great food. They like it when I make Tacos, Spaghetti, Pizza, Hot Dogs. Oh, and Orange Chicken. I almost forgot about that one, everyone likes that dish. You would too. And for some reason your brothers like steak.

Anyway, I hope you're not getting cafeteria food up there in Heaven, they should serve that to the people in Hell. You should get 5-star restaurants. And at least you'll like the food and not complain unlike your brothers. Hopefully you're getting to eat even more adventurous and spicy stuff that I didn't make either because I wasn't adventurous or it cost too much.

Love you and Miss you!
Mom

A Picture Story II

Here are a few pictures of Calvin and Boomer to share with you all.

This picture is of Boomer the day we got him. We thought he needed a bath. He wasn't too thrilled.

Here's Boomer looking for treats.

Baby wrapped Boomer up in his blanket.

Poor Boomer, dressed just like a person!

Calvin loved to let Boomer sleep with him.

Calvin built this replica of an Egyptian boat pretty much by himself.

Calvin and Olaf built this snow fort one winter.

Sister in Law Nurse snapped this photo of Calvin in a tree over the local river.

Here we are at Mesa Verde with the DenverAllens.

Even though this doesn't show Calvin's best side I love this picture. The boys were fighting and wouldn't stand any closer for this picture. The last time we were at Yellowstone we got a picture of the two in front of this rock and I wanted another one to show them growing up.

Here is Calvin with his friends and the deer he shot in Fall 2008.

His friends didn't forget him and found ways to keep his memory alive.

And they kept remembering him.

Calvin - We love you and will always remember you!