A Big Smelly Birthday

I know I posted this last year but this is one of my favorite birthday stories.

It was Calvin's 11th Birthday and as usual we were going to Nickelcade, every boy's favorite arcade. We had enough kids coming that I borrowed my friend's minivan so we could get them all there in one trip. We got there and gave all the boys a couple dollars in nickels. They proceeded to play away, trying to win the most tickets while Olaf played games from his childhood. We eventually rounded them all up and had some cake and ice cream. All in all it was a great party.

After they had all cashed in their tickets from items worth one-tenth the cost of getting the tickets I loaded them in the van and headed home. It was December. It was dark. It was cold. I had seven boys in a minivan with just me. I put on some good music and the boys giggled and laughed and had fun.

And then someone farted. That brought out a roar of laughter from everyone but me. And then the smell reached my nose, which isn't so delicate after all these years of living with boys. It was offensive. It was strong. It almost made me retch. Even though it was a cold winter night and I was driving 65mph down the highway I rolled all the windows down. I cranked the heater up as high as it would go.

Finally the smell was blown out of the van. I rolled all the windows up again. It was finally much quieter and I could almost hear myself think over all those boys. And just as soon as it got quiet I heard someone else fart! And another round of laughter. And another round of driving down the highway on a cold winter night with the windows down.

As you can only imagine this scene repeated itself and I just drove all the way home with the windows down. I had given up. I just trained all the heater vents on my little body and let the boys freeze while they laughed at their silliness.

I finally got back into town and took all the boys home. I then drove the minivan to my friend's house and parked it in her garage after rolling all the windows down. I went inside and thanked her profusely for the use of her van. Then I explained to her why her windows were down and that she ought to let it air out overnight while she laughed so hard she almost fell out of her chair.