For the last six months I have been trying to recover from the nightmarish events of October 15, 2008. It has been a long road. And I'm still not at the end. But a "New Normal" has emerged in my life. There is still a big hole and it will never, no matter what, be filled.
I remember after the accident whenever a new day started, thinking "How, how can this be? How can life go on?" And I just wanted to crawl up in my bed and stay there, hoping time would stand still. But I knew that would never happen. So I got up and went to work. That was probably one of the hardest things to do. And as much as I hated being away from my other two boys, I knew if I stayed home I would fall into the depths of despair. I knew that if I went to work my mind would be distracted. So I went.
So many things have worked out for the best for me that it is amazing. God is watching and even though he had different plans that I did, he was watching out for me and helping me along, preparing me for what was to happen. I finished school in time to get a job just months before the accident. It would have been disastrous to be home doing daycare afterwards. I had been offered several jobs before I took the one I did. If I had accepted any of the other jobs there is no way I would have been able to take 2 1/2 weeks off after the accident. And as hard as it was to work after the accident it was probably in my best interest to work full-time; it provided a good distraction. Several months later I happened across a part-time accounting job and applied for that. And I was lucky enough to be offered that job. I am able to be home with my boys after school.
We have also done some other things. Calvin loved the Junior High. He had so many friends and had matured so much in the last year or two. We really wanted to do something for the school in his remembrance. A few months after the accident we visited with the Principal. After some discussion we decided it would be good to have a display case built for the school. At first that sounds kind of dumb. But after brainstorming we really liked the display case idea the best. It would be a permanent fixture that would benefit the school for many years. Their current display cases are full and it would be nice to have more room.
We also finally picked out and ordered a headstone for his grave. For months I would think about it and couldn't bring myself to go and pick something out. "This couldn't be my life. There is no way I should be picking out a headstone for my child." It was such a finalization. I just couldn't bear the thought of it. But we finally went last month and did it. It will take a few months since they had to special order the stone. They said it might, might, be ready for Memorial Day, but it can't be promised. I was fine with that. I didn't care about the day, I just wanted it to be right.
So while things haven't been what I planned for my life we seem to be doing pretty good. And most thankfully the other two boys seem to be doing great considering. They seem to have adjusted to our "New Normal."
6 comments:
It will never be the same, but like you said, we are starting a new normal. We all love you and the boys so much! I wish we were even closer to hang out more - I could really use that!! The kids have track break next month after sisters weekend - maybe we will be able to come and hang for a few days!! We will see how the tummy is feeling:) I love you!
I just can't believe that it has been 6 months already! Some days it seems like it JUST happened, other days it seems like soooo long ago - but 1/2 a year - WOW! You guys are always in our prayers! And the kids talk often about Calvin, and I don't ever want them to stop! They love their cousins!!
Donna, you are so strong and I know you are a great mother. It may come as a suprise but I was reading some letters you wrote to me from 1989 yesterday. The way you cared about me makes me know how much you care about your boys. I miss you and wish I could be out more often.
Love you, Tim
I can't imagine how difficult these last 6 months have been for you, but you've faced it with so much strength. We love you guys and are thinking about you!
Donna,
Mom and I have felt that same emptiness in our hearts. We look at pictures and remember. At times I just ache, even now as I write this. Yet, we have the comfort of knowing; the comfort that we will see him again; and the comfort of family. We are an eternal family and that is what allows us to deal with this tragedy. Our whole family is stronger then it has ever been, and Calvin is responsible for that. He will always be close to all of us. Each day gets marginally easier, and as those days go further out, the increments are smaller. But we know so much more then we did and we have grown so much. Painful as it is, Father prepares, consoles, and heals. We are all thankful for Him.
i think about you (& your family) regularly. i admire how you've handled this devastating trial in your life. when i feel depressed and not strong enough to cope with my current trials, sometimes i'll think of you, and it helps me--even if only a small amount. you're awesome, don't forget that!!! :)
Post a Comment