10.26.2008

Love and Compassion

After our accident people were on the scene immediately. Not just dumb passerby's but knowledgeable EMT type people who instantly went into action and helped with everyone. The ambulances took 12 minutes to get to our location but to me it was only like a minute. The only thing I even remember is looking around at the horrible destruction around me. The two younger boys were sitting on the ground near each other and someone was with each of them. Olaf was already bandaged up and when he saw I was awake he walked over to talk to me, and someone was with me, talking and patting my shoulder. I also saw farther away a group of people, I didn't know what they were doing but they were working on Calvin. Olaf had seen them doing CPR on him and knew things weren't good for him. I had no clue. I was thankful and comforted that somebody was with everyone and taking care of things since I couldn't. We were whisked away in the ambulances with people putting IV's in us while on the bumpy highway. I know it was bumpy because the laceration on the back of my head kept hitting the backboard I was on and I couldn't turn because of the neck brace they had put on me. These EMT people stayed with us at the hospital until we left, over six hours later. They were amazing.

The hospital employees were also wonderful. They were so kind to us. They didn't leave us for a moment. When we were bandaged up and checked out and doing better they asked if we wanted to see Calvin. They told us they had bandaged his head because he had a head wound. I was really afraid to go and see him. I couldn't imagine my sweet son not alive. But I also remembered hearing other people saying that although it was hard to see their child gone it was healing. So we went and saw him. It was hard and I cried. I couldn't believe that he was already cold. But then it got better and I was able to talk to him. He was beautiful, even with all his scratches. He looked peaceful. He almost looked just asleep. The little boys were in and out. The EMTs had put on a movie for them because they were bored. We were able to say our goodbyes.

Olaf's Mom and Sister and both spouses were there very soon at the hospital. The hospital called his Mom and told her that her son had been in an accident. He had a head injury but was coherent. She asked how his wife and children were and the hospital staff couldn't tell her anything. She had to make the long, half-hour, drive to Nephi not knowing the condition of the rest of the family. While the news of Calvin was devastating she was so glad that the rest of us were doing wonderful and would be fine. I cannot imagine the horror of that half-hour drive to Nephi. She has said that was the longest drive of her life.

Sister-in-Law Nurse was absolutely wonderful. She called me parents since I was in no condition to make that call. I gave her my cell phone and said I didn't want it back for a while. She called all my friends and family and talked to them. I couldn't deal with telling anyone the news or even talking to my family about the whole thing. She took all the calls over the next two days that came in to my phone, knowing I couldn't do it yet. I could never had made those calls and she took it upon herself to help me out in that way. She also helped out with Olaf when he got home from the hospital. She and her Mom helped with all the medical things that needed to be taken care of. That was good because I am not good in that department and was glad I didn't need to take care of that part of him. I felt woefully inadequate in that area but was glad they were there to do that for him.

Olaf's Mom and Step-Dad had us stay at their house for over a week. We just moved home tonight. They were so good to keep us there so long. It really helped to not come straight home after everything. Since a lot of my family was staying at my house across the street, it was wonderful to have a quiet place to be when we needed it, and Olaf needed it a lot at first. I had to take care of all the funeral arrangements because he was still so tired and recovering from his wounds. I really didn't know where to begin. The day after the accident I saw on my home phone that the mortuary had called and I just refused to call them back. I still couldn't quite cope. But the next day I headed over there with my parents in tow and we started taking care of the arrangements. Thankfully, until the funeral was over, people were following me around, taking notes of the things I was planning. That was so good because I couldn't remember most of what I was doing. I was constantly turning around asking questions about what we had just discusses, already forgetting half the details. I lost my purse every time I picked it up!

This whole experience has made me learn more to let people help me. I like to take care of things myself and not ask for help. But I had been incapable of that for almost a week. While I was still doing these horrible things, planning a funeral for my son, someone was constantly there taking care of me. I know there is no way that I could have gotten through this experience without all the prayers of support that people were saying for us. I know it helped and sustained us through this trial. I know this is not over and that it is going to be hard a lot but I have been so thankful for all the love and support everyone has shown me and my family.

7 comments:

sally said...

Donna we are always here at a moments notice. We will drop everything and come running - it think that is what family is all about. We were so glad we could just do something to help you and your family out. We love you and your family so much.

mommybake said...

Donna,
I don't even know where to begin! I love you so much and my heart just is breaking for you and your family! I love you!!

denverallens said...

I second what Suzanne and Sally said. I love you and your family so much. I can't think about you without a smile on my face. I don't know how I would've coped with everything, but one thing I know. YOU ARE STRONG! We will continue to pray for you and the family forever. I love you.

Lonita said...

We were so glad to be able to be there with you and the family. We love you and you're in our thoughts and prayers every day!

Ferrara Family said...

Donna - You are a truly amazing member of our ward family. You have shown us all how strong you are and have to be for your family and yourself.
We are here for you and LOVE you very much. Our continued prayers and thoughts are with you always.
If you need anything - we are just a phone call and street away.
We LOVE you!!!

Anonymous said...

Dear Donna, You are an amazing and strong young wife, mother and woman. What you and your family have gone through is heart breaking but I do know that your faith, famly and friends are there to help all of you and don't think you have to do it all but I also know that is hard to do when that is your nature to be the one incharge. Take each day as it comes and some will be better than others I know. I found out talking about what has happened helps to get through each day whether in prayer or to a friend. What you have written shows that your strength is strong and I appreciate you thoughts as I feel this will be part of your healing. My thoughts, prayers and love are with all of you each day.
Love, Aunt Marge and John

Anonymous said...

D. aunt patti here
you are a special woman who has touched everyones heart and we are all there for you and your family